He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
