the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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