your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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