hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
