Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
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Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
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I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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