i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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