he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's rum buckets o'clock
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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