I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
