I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
