Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
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I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
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Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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