Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
