where am i from again
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
