Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
