"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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