At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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