Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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