You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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