i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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