nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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