i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
