tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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