we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
