STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
