So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
