Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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