You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
