yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
