I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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