Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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