If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
