i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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