I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
