At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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