omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
