My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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