So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
