I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
