Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
