We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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