can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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