so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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