I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
