Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
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A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
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She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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