I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
