I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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