I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize