dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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