he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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