There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
