I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
