Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Randomize
