It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
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I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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