i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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