So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
dude. I can hear the air.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize