I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
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He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
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I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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