There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
