I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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