I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
