People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
